August 2008

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August 15, 2008

Conversation with my Assistant

Me: {blah, blah, blah, ramble , ramble, ramble} And then she wanted to give me a hug. It was so weird!

Her: It's so wee-ad. (she deadpans this in a John Travolta from Saturday Night Fever voice)

Me: {laughing hysterically] Damn..I wish you had said that a year ago. I would have used it alot.

Her: It could have been our catchphrase...

Me: I hate it when we discover our catchphrase when it's too late!

Her: It's NEVER too late for a catchphrase.

Me: THAT'S a good catch phrase too!!!

I LOVE this woman.

August 07, 2008

There are some people who cause you to remember what you love....

Thanks for this, GP! I LOVE it!

Earth

IMG_1908

Dear Miles,

I just got back from visiting you in Texas and boy am I tired!! You are three-years-old now, and you know what? You have a LOT of energy!

I had so much fun with you. Uncle Roger and I landed on Friday afternoon and we went straight to your house to pick you up and then went to have lunch with Mark. You sat in my lap the entire time and I made the mistake of mentioning that we had brought birthday presents and they were back at your house in our luggage and suddenly you weren't hungry at all, nope, not at all. You were ready to get back to your house to play and, oh I don't know, maybe OPEN PRESENTS. RIGHT NOW. 

So the other thing about you right now is that you are very, very honest. You did NOT like the cool (and expensive) polo bikini bathing suit that I got you. I completely understood when I saw the bathing suit that Grandmom bought you at the dollar store that had polka-dots and a ruffly skirt. How do I compete with that?

You did, however, like the Liz Claiborne purse that I got you. We played a "pack the purse/unpack the purse" game for quite a long time. Have I mentioned how persistent you are? 

In addition to Mimi and Poppy, we got to spend time with Aunt Barbara and Uncle Donn. For some reason you used to be shy around Aunt Barbara, but not anymore. Nope, now you LOVE Aunt Barbara. You wanted to talk to her on the phone before she got there, and you loved the storybook princess pillow that she got you for your birthday and you REALLY loved the bead necklace she gave you and, oh my gosh (we don't say "oh my god"--you told me, Roger, and Uncle Donn all this) you loved, loved, loved the Arial birthday cupcakes that she bought for your party. You so loved those cupcakes that you wanted to hide them and surprise your mother and say "Ta-Da!" when she saw them. You planned and then enacted this scenario quite specifically.

We also hung out with Todd, whom you insisted upon calling "Scott," even though you know very well that his name is Todd and you are quite capable of saying "Todd." We don't know why you've decided to call him Scott. There are some things that don't have easy explanations. I might be willing to accept that he just reminds you of a Scott, if not for the fact that you are three years old and don't know any Scotts. So, how would you know if he resembles a Scott, which, by the way, he kinda does, but that's beside the point.

I think my favorite thing that you are doing right now is occasionally referring to me (and your mom and Mimi) as "my darling" in a very loving, yet condescending , way. "Would you like to play in the castle, My Darling?" "Your hair looks pretty, My Darling." I think you are channeling your mother, who you informed me, is very smart.

Can't wait to see you next time, Doodle-bug!

Love,

Auntie Lori

July 29, 2008

Can't stop crying....

I'm watching the ABC special about Randy Pausch, the professor whose "Last Lecture" has touched so many. It's absolutely killing me. Rest in Peace, Randy.

Also--I hope all my friends in LA are uninjured after the quake today. My thoughts are with you all. Hope the aftershocks have slowed down.

July 24, 2008

A Question for Mr. Provisor

What do you know about "Collective Effervescence?"

July 21, 2008

War on Terra

I loved the following Letter to the Editor from Jay Cummings in the Washington Post a few weeks back.

"Craig Goldwyn's June 7 op-ed "Coalition of the Weeding," needed a little more thoughtful consideration.

Much like President Bush, Mr. Goldwyn seemed to be unaware of how his adversary functions, and he is therefore unlikely to be successful. Some may feel that dandelions are the equivalent of terrorists rather than a pretty and, in small numbers, harmless addition to the lawn. For those people, seeking a pure grass lawn is the floral equivalent of war, a War on Terra, if you will. The metaphor of dandelions as terrorists has more to teach us than Goldwyn realized.

Do not go and root them out individually; new ones spring up from the deep roots. Do not use massive assaults of chemicals; there can be collateral damage to other plants, animals, people, rivers, lakes and the Chesapeake Bay. Do not just mow down the ones that stick out; that only hides the problem temporarily.

Dandelions grow where a lawn is deficient in key nutrients, chiefly calcium. They send down their deep taproots to reach resouces that the grass cannot. So the way to defeat them is to nourish the lawn with appropriate treatment. Learnig what exact treatment is needed may be slightly more difficult than mindlessly using the mass-marketed treatments of the lawn-industrial complex, but it will work better, and there is help out there."

--Jay R. Cummings, Greenbelt

Dandelion

July 08, 2008

Guaranteed to Cheer even the Grumpiest of McGrumplesteins

This is my current favorite photo and I have it set as my PC desktop. It was taken a long time ago, but I never get tired of it. When Miles wanted you to pick her up, she could be quite persuasive.

Monkey girl

July 06, 2008

"Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it"

I love JK Rowling's Harvard Commencement address. Click here for the video.

Text as prepared follows.
Copyright of JK Rowling, June 2008

President Faust, members of the Harvard Corporation and the Board of Overseers, members of the faculty, proud parents, and, above all, graduates.

The first thing I would like to say is ‘thank you.’ Not only has Harvard given me an extraordinary honour, but the weeks of fear and nausea I’ve experienced at the thought of giving this commencement address have made me lose weight. A win-win situation! Now all I have to do is take deep breaths, squint at the red banners and fool myself into believing I am at the world’s best-educated Harry Potter convention.

Delivering a commencement address is a great responsibility; or so I thought until I cast my mind back to my own graduation. The commencement speaker that day was the distinguished British philosopher Baroness Mary Warnock. Reflecting on her speech has helped me enormously in writing this one, because it turns out that I can’t remember a single word she said. This liberating discovery enables me to proceed without any fear that I might inadvertently influence you to abandon promising careers in business, law or politics for the giddy delights of becoming a gay wizard.

You see? If all you remember in years to come is the ‘gay wizard’ joke, I’ve still come out ahead of Baroness Mary Warnock. Achievable goals: the first step towards personal improvement.

Actually, I have wracked my mind and heart for what I ought to say to you today. I have asked myself what I wish I had known at my own graduation, and what important lessons I have learned in the 21 years that has expired between that day and this.

I have come up with two answers. On this wonderful day when we are gathered together to celebrate your academic success, I have decided to talk to you about the benefits of failure. And as you stand on the threshold of what is sometimes called ‘real life’, I want to extol the crucial importance of imagination.

These might seem quixotic or paradoxical choices, but please bear with me.

Looking back at the 21-year-old that I was at graduation, is a slightly uncomfortable experience for the 42-year-old that she has become. Half my lifetime ago, I was striking an uneasy balance between the ambition I had for myself, and what those closest to me expected of me.

I was convinced that the only thing I wanted to do, ever, was to write novels. However, my parents, both of whom came from impoverished backgrounds and neither of whom had been to college, took the view that my overactive imagination was an amusing personal quirk that could never pay a mortgage, or secure a pension.

They had hoped that I would take a vocational degree; I wanted to study English Literature. A compromise was reached that in retrospect satisfied nobody, and I went up to study Modern Languages. Hardly had my parents’ car rounded the corner at the end of the road than I ditched German and scuttled off down the Classics corridor.

I cannot remember telling my parents that I was studying Classics; they might well have found out for the first time on graduation day. Of all subjects on this planet, I think they would have been hard put to name one less useful than Greek mythology when it came to securing the keys to an executive bathroom.

I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I cannot criticise my parents for hoping that I would never experience poverty. They had been poor themselves, and I have since been poor, and I quite agree with them that it is not an ennobling experience. Poverty entails fear, and stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticised only by fools.

What I feared most for myself at your age was not poverty, but failure.

At your age, in spite of a distinct lack of motivation at university, where I had spent far too long in the coffee bar writing stories, and far too little time at lectures, I had a knack for passing examinations, and that, for years, had been the measure of success in my life and that of my peers.

I am not dull enough to suppose that because you are young, gifted and well-educated, you have never known hardship or heartbreak. Talent and intelligence never yet inoculated anyone against the caprice of the Fates, and I do not for a moment suppose that everyone here has enjoyed an existence of unruffled privilege and contentment.

However, the fact that you are graduating from Harvard suggests that you are not very well-acquainted with failure. You might be driven by a fear of failure quite as much as a desire for success. Indeed, your conception of failure might not be too far from the average person’s idea of success, so high have you already flown academically.

Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.

Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.

So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.

Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above rubies.

The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned.

Given a time machine or a Time Turner, I would tell my 21-year-old self that personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life, though you will meet many people of my age and older who confuse the two. Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone’s total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes.

You might think that I chose my second theme, the importance of imagination, because of the part it played in rebuilding my life, but that is not wholly so. Though I will defend the value of bedtime stories to my last gasp, I have learned to value imagination in a much broader sense. Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans whose experiences we have never shared.

One of the greatest formative experiences of my life preceded Harry Potter, though it informed much of what I subsequently wrote in those books. This revelation came in the form of one of my earliest day jobs. Though I was sloping off to write stories during my lunch hours, I paid the rent in my early 20s by working in the research department at Amnesty International’s headquarters in London.

There in my little office I read hastily scribbled letters smuggled out of totalitarian regimes by men and women who were risking imprisonment to inform the outside world of what was happening to them. I saw photographs of those who had disappeared without trace, sent to Amnesty by their desperate families and friends. I read the testimony of torture victims and saw pictures of their injuries. I opened handwritten, eye-witness accounts of summary trials and executions, of kidnappings and rapes.

Many of my co-workers were ex-political prisoners, people who had been displaced from their homes, or fled into exile, because they had the temerity to think independently of their government. Visitors to our office included those who had come to give information, or to try and find out what had happened to those they had been forced to leave behind.

I shall never forget the African torture victim, a young man no older than I was at the time, who had become mentally ill after all he had endured in his homeland. He trembled uncontrollably as he spoke into a video camera about the brutality inflicted upon him. He was a foot taller than I was, and seemed as fragile as a child. I was given the job of escorting him to the Underground Station afterwards, and this man whose life had been shattered by cruelty took my hand with exquisite courtesy, and wished me future happiness.

And as long as I live I shall remember walking along an empty corridor and suddenly hearing, from behind a closed door, a scream of pain and horror such as I have never heard since. The door opened, and the researcher poked out her head and told me to run and make a hot drink for the young man sitting with her. She had just given him the news that in retaliation for his own outspokenness against his country’s regime, his mother had been seized and executed.

Every day of my working week in my early 20s I was reminded how incredibly fortunate I was, to live in a country with a democratically elected government, where legal representation and a public trial were the rights of everyone.

Every day, I saw more evidence about the evils humankind will inflict on their fellow humans, to gain or maintain power. I began to have nightmares, literal nightmares, about some of the things I saw, heard and read.

And yet I also learned more about human goodness at Amnesty International than I had ever known before.

Amnesty mobilises thousands of people who have never been tortured or imprisoned for their beliefs to act on behalf of those who have. The power of human empathy, leading to collective action, saves lives, and frees prisoners. Ordinary people, whose personal well-being and security are assured, join together in huge numbers to save people they do not know, and will never meet. My small participation in that process was one of the most humbling and inspiring experiences of my life.

Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people’s minds, imagine themselves into other people’s places.

Of course, this is a power, like my brand of fictional magic, that is morally neutral. One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathise.

And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.

I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces can lead to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the wilfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.

What is more, those who choose not to empathise may enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy.

One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.

That is an astonishing statement and yet proven a thousand times every day of our lives. It expresses, in part, our inescapable connection with the outside world, the fact that we touch other people’s lives simply by existing.

But how much more are you, Harvard graduates of 2008, likely to touch other people’s lives? Your intelligence, your capacity for hard work, the education you have earned and received, give you unique status, and unique responsibilities. Even your nationality sets you apart. The great majority of you belong to the world’s only remaining superpower. The way you vote, the way you live, the way you protest, the pressure you bring to bear on your government, has an impact way beyond your borders. That is your privilege, and your burden.

If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped transform for the better. We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.

I am nearly finished. I have one last hope for you, which is something that I already had at 21. The friends with whom I sat on graduation day have been my friends for life. They are my children’s godparents, the people to whom I’ve been able to turn in times of trouble, friends who have been kind enough not to sue me when I’ve used their names for Death Eaters. At our graduation we were bound by enormous affection, by our shared experience of a time that could never come again, and, of course, by the knowledge that we held certain photographic evidence that would be exceptionally valuable if any of us ran for Prime Minister.

So today, I can wish you nothing better than similar friendships. And tomorrow, I hope that even if you remember not a single word of mine, you remember those of Seneca, another of those old Romans I met when I fled down the Classics corridor, in retreat from career ladders, in search of ancient wisdom:
As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.
I wish you all very good lives.
Thank you very much.

June 23, 2008

Happy Damn Monday.

Miles first indian summer 124

I SO need more weekend time.

This is a picture of what I look like in the morning on Mondays. Oh, who are we kidding? This is what I look like every morning, but on Mondays I look like this allllllll day.

The last two weekends have been so much fun. The weekend in NY was awesome. Awesome food. Awesome shopping. Awesome theater. I had warned The Duke that something comes over me in NY and I simply cannot sleep, cannot stay in-doors, cannot NOT be outside doing stuff. So, we managed to fit in a stroll through Central Park, seeing Mamma Mia, dinner at a great italian restaurant, shopping in the diamond district (and yes, it resulted in new sparklies), lunch at a deli, seeing Avenue Q, dinner at another great restaurant, clothes shopping, art shopping (new painting by Martha Murphy...I'm officially going through an Abstract phase in my art collecting...don't know why), hours and hours in MoMA (terrific Olafur Ellisasen exhibit), more shopping, more NY food, and a train home. Something just comes over me in that city. R was probably wondering what happened to his lump of a girlfriend whose idea of an active weekend is only taking TWO naps on a Saturday instead of her usual three.

This past weekend we were much less active, but still managed to see the Sex and the City movie one night and go out to the wonderful jazz dinner club, Blues Alley, in DC to catch Regina Belle the next night. Regina was awesome and I was totally jazzed (look, there's a pun! An unintentional pun!) to meet her husband...none other than John Battle. Yes, that John Battle. Over there, on the right, taking it downtown. Woo-hoo!John battle (yes, I realize that I am a nerd and, thus, am not allowed to use phrases like "taking it downtown." However, I am of the opinion that this only adds to my charm. So, humor me, K?)

Now it's Monday. Blech. I think Mondays should be completely optional.

June 20, 2008

Friday Miles, v.3

Misc 327 Dear Miles,

When I saw you recently you had grown so much since the last time I saw you. That is SO HARD for me, cause I wanna see every single step in your journey. There was one thing that hadn't changed though, and I found this picture from when you visited me when I was still living in California to prove it. A few weeks ago when we were together and I was running around in the morning getting ready for work, grabbing my computer bag, putting on my watch, etc.. you decided to get ready for work too. You put on a necklace, a pair of high heels and grabbed your lunchbox. It was adorable. It reminded me of when you were visiting me in LA and I came home from work and for the next 30 minutes you walked in my shoes up and down the hallway of my condo with your hands on your hips. I wasn't sure if the "hands on the hips" was mimicking me, or just your interpretation of the stance of gainfully employed adults. Since then, when I've caught myself with my hands on my hips, I've removed them quickly.

When we were together last there was an instance when we were waiting for an elevator and your mom silently motioned for me to look at you. I was leaning on the frame of the elevator door, with my purse swinging from my shoulder and my other hand on my hip. You were too. You had positioned yourself in the exact mirror-image of me. It was cute. And terrifying.

One of the things I love about being your Auntie is the fact that we have such a special relationship. It's unconditional love. I had it with my Aunt Barb and Aunt Ruthie. We had a mutual lovefest that continues to this day. I thought they were the most beautiful, smart, glamorous creatures ever born. And their love of me made me feel really special. I feel the same about you. I think you are the closest thing to heaven I've ever seen. When you are in the nook of my arm and we are reading a book, I wish time would stand still. When you are holding onto my neck as we swim across the pool, I wish the pool would stretch out to forever.

But to know that there is someone who watches me and imitates me and is using me to help figure out how to be in the world. That's scary. This was an aspect of parenthood and aunthood that I'd never considered. If you are going to watch and imitate, then I have to be sure that what you see is something worthy of imitation. All I can say to that is.........Holy Crap.

So, I'm thinking that next time we are together, maybe instead of you putting on heels and "going to my work." We should do some painting (mom taught me to love that), or gardening (Aunt Barbara taught me to love that), or lying on a blanket outside finding cloud figures (Aunt Barbara again). Maybe we should write a story?

And maybe even when you aren't watching, I should make sure that I'm finding time to do those things.

Thanks, Miles. For reminding me who I want to be. And who I don't.

Auntie Lori